CampaignBreak the stigma
Men can be victims.
Sexual and intimate partner violence against men is common, underreported, and too often met with disbelief.
EXPLORE
What are you looking for?
254 things to explore
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Start here
I don't know if what happened counts.
You do not need a name for it. Answer a few questions, and nothing is stored.
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CourseOpen now
Why you do it this way
Why you have been fixing things, working, and sorting rather than talking. Why that is a recognized pattern, not a failure, and what it does well and badly.
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LibraryExplainer
What trauma actually means
Not a word for weak people. A word for what happens when something overwhelms what a person can take in.
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PodcastComing soon
The Lighthouse Is On
A Griefyard Works podcast. Long conversations about the things men were taught not to say. Coming soon.
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LibraryExplainer
Why your body remembers what your mind tries to forget
A smell, a sound, a tone of voice. Why your body reacts before you have time to think.
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ToolFree sheet
The first ninety days
What has to be handled after a death, a separation, or a release, in the order it has to be handled.
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StoryShare yours
Stories from the water.
Told in writing, on a call, or on the podcast. Nothing is published until you approve the final version, and you can withdraw it at any time.
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CourseOpen now
The first ninety days
What actually has to be handled, in what order, and what can wait. Nothing in it about feelings, which is exactly why it works.
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LibraryField note
When it happened years ago and still feels close
Time does not always put distance between you and what happened. Why, and what can help.
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CampaignBreak the stigma
Men don't have to disappear.
Withdrawal, overwork, anger and numbness are how pain often shows up in men. Disappearing is not the same as coping.
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Start here
Help where I live.
Crisis lines and services, country by country. We never detect your location.
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CourseBeing written
Anger, and what is under it
Why it comes out as rage and shortness rather than sadness. How to tell ordinary irritability from something that needs a doctor, and what to say when you call.
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LibraryPractical guide
You do not have to tell the whole story to get help
Getting support does not require reliving what happened. What you can say instead.
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LibraryPractical guide
Flashbacks: what they are and what to do
When the past floods the present. A short guide for the moment it happens and for afterwards.
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CourseBeing written
What you did and did not do
Guilt, the replayed decision, the thing you should have noticed. Why this is a distinct injury with its own literature, and why the usual reassurance does not touch it.
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LibraryField note
Numb is not the same as fine
Feeling nothing can be a sign you are carrying a lot. How to tell the difference.
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CampaignBreak the stigma
Men can talk about sexual assault.
It happens to men and boys. It is never deserved, and physical arousal is not consent.
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CourseBeing written
Carrying it at work
Going back. What to tell people and what you are not obliged to say. Working on four hours of sleep, in a job that requires you to be fine.
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LibraryExplainer
Anger after trauma
When you are short with everyone and do not know why. Where anger often comes from, and what to do with it.
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LibraryExplainer
Shame is not the same as guilt
Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Why the difference matters after trauma.
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ToolFree sheet
Practical stability planning sheet
What you are holding, which direction you are facing, and the one signal worth sending.
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CourseBeing written
Coming back to people
The friendships that went quiet. Why people stopped asking. Giving people a job. What to say when someone asks how you are and you have nothing.
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LibraryExplainer
Freezing was not a choice
Why so many people could not move, shout or fight back, and why that was the body protecting you.
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CampaignBreak the stigma
Men can leave.
Abuse from a partner is not limited by gender or orientation. Neither is the right to be safe.
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CourseBeing written
The second year
Nobody warns you it can be harder. Why the help ends at the funeral and the hard part starts afterwards. Keeping a bond without getting stuck.
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LibraryPractical guide
Sleep after trauma
Nightmares, waking at three, never quite resting. Practical things that help.
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LibraryScript
How to tell someone you trust
If you want one person to know, how to start, and how much to say.
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ToolFree sheet
Goals and next steps plan
Turns what you want to be easier into steps that survive the week you wrote them.
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CourseOpen now
For the men around him
For a friend, brother, son, or colleague of a man who is going through it. What to say, what not to, how to offer something concrete, and how to tell when it has become medical.
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LibraryScript
When someone tells you what happened to them
How to respond so they are glad they told you.
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CourseBeing written
I don't know where to start
For the moment when everything feels urgent and nothing feels clear. Sort what is happening into what needs doing now, this month, and later.
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LibraryPractical guide
Trauma and the work week
Getting through work when your head is somewhere else.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Drinking to get through it
When alcohol or something else becomes the way to switch off. A plain look at what is happening.
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ToolFree sheet
The ask sheet
For asking an institution for something and having it hold. A name, a reference, a date.
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CourseBeing written
Grief without a funeral
Breakups, estrangement, a life that did not happen, a person who is alive but gone. The losses nobody marks, and how to carry them.
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LibraryPractical guide
What a trauma informed service should feel like
How to tell whether a service will treat you well.
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CourseBeing written
After the relationship
Rebuilding after a relationship ends, including one that was controlling or unsafe. Practical, honest, and written for men as well as everyone else.
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LibraryExplainer
Hypervigilance: always on guard
Scanning every room, sitting near the exit, never quite relaxing. What it is and how to ease it.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Trauma in childhood, felt as an adult
What happened when you were young can shape how you live now. Some of the ways, and what helps.
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CourseBeing written
Starting over without a map
A structured way through rebuilding a life after loss, release, divorce, illness or relocation. One area at a time.
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LibraryPractical guide
Your rights when you speak to the police or a doctor
What you can ask for, and what you can refuse.
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LibraryChecklist
Grounding exercises you can do anywhere
Five quiet techniques for when you feel overwhelmed in public.
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LibraryPractical guide
When trauma affects your relationship
How what happened to you can show up between you and a partner, and how to talk about it.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Trauma after military, police or emergency work
When the job exposes you to things most people never see.
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LibraryPractical guide
After an accident or a violent incident
The first weeks after something sudden and frightening.
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LibraryExplainer
Trauma and your body
Headaches, tight shoulders, stomach trouble. How stress can live in the body.
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LibraryChecklist
Small routines that make a hard day possible
When everything feels big, start with things that are small.
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LibraryPractical guide
When to see a clinician about trauma
How to know when self help is not enough, and what to say when you call.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief does not follow stages
Why the idea of neat stages leaves so many people feeling they are doing it wrong.
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LibraryExplainer
Grieving by doing
If you are fixing, working and sorting instead of talking, that is a recognised way to grieve.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Grief without a body, without a goodbye
When you could not be there, or there was no funeral, or the person was never found.
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LibraryHeavy subject
When the death was by suicide
A loss that brings its own questions. Some things that are true.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief and anger
Being furious at the person who died, at doctors, at God, at everyone. Why it happens.
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LibraryField note
When the second year is harder
Why grief can get harder after the first year, not easier.
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LibraryField note
Losing a parent as an adult
When you become the older generation, and people expect you to cope.
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LibraryHeavy subject
When a pregnancy ends
Miscarriage, stillbirth and loss in pregnancy, including for partners.
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LibraryField note
Grief after a breakup
When the person is still alive but the life you had together is gone.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Grieving someone you had a hard relationship with
When the person who died also hurt you.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief that will not ease
When a loss takes over a life for a very long time, and what can help.
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LibraryExplainer
Continuing bonds with someone who died
Staying connected to someone after death is healthy, not a sign of being stuck.
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LibraryField note
Grief and faith
When loss shakes what you believe, or when faith is what holds you.
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LibraryField note
Grief in a family that does not talk about feelings
When everyone is hurting and nobody says so.
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LibraryField note
Grief when you are far from home
Losing someone in another country, or grieving away from your family.
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LibraryChecklist
What a healthy relationship looks like
A plain checklist for when you are not sure what normal is.
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LibraryScript
How to start a hard conversation with a partner
Words for when something needs saying and you do not know how to begin.
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LibraryExplainer
When you shut down in arguments
Going silent, walking away, feeling nothing. Why it happens and what helps.
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LibraryExplainer
Jealousy: when it is normal and when it is control
The difference between a feeling and a rule.
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LibraryPractical guide
When your partner has been through trauma
How to support someone without losing yourself.
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LibraryPractical guide
Fathers and their children after separation
Staying close to your kids when the family changes.
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LibraryPractical guide
Co parenting with someone you cannot stand
Keeping it about the children when the relationship is over.
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LibraryScript
Telling a partner about your past
Whether, when and how to share what happened to you.
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LibraryField note
Friendship for men
Why many men have fewer close friends than they want, and how to change it.
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LibraryField note
Coming out to a partner
When you realise something about your identity while in a relationship.
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LibraryPractical guide
When your partner drinks too much
Living with someone whose drinking is affecting you.
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LibraryField note
When a relationship ends and you did not see it coming
Shock, questions, and getting through the first weeks.
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LibraryExplainer
Trust after betrayal
Whether and how trust can be rebuilt after an affair or a serious breach.
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LibraryField note
Caring for a partner who is ill
Love, duty and exhaustion when you become a carer.
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LibraryChecklist
When your relationship affects your mental health
Signs it is taking more than it gives.
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LibraryField note
Relationships after prison or service
Reconnecting with a partner and family after long time apart.
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LibraryExplainer
Men experience domestic abuse too
Why it happens, why it is hidden, and why it is not your fault.
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LibraryPractical guide
Technology and abuse
Tracking, monitoring and online harassment, and how to protect yourself.
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LibraryField note
When you are accused of being the abuser
False accusations as a tactic, and what to do.
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LibraryExplainer
Protection orders explained
A general guide to legal protection, which works differently in each country.
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LibraryField note
If you are worried about your own behaviour
When you are the one causing harm, and want to change.
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LibraryPractical guide
Supporting a friend who is being abused
How to help without making it more dangerous.
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LibraryScript
Talking to your children about leaving
Words for children when the family has to move.
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LibraryExplainer
Depression in men often looks like something else
Anger, overwork, drinking and numbness can all be signs.
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LibraryScript
How to talk to a doctor about your mental health
What to say when you have ten minutes and do not know where to start.
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LibraryHeavy subject
If you are thinking about suicide
Please read this. You do not have to act on these thoughts.
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LibraryPractical guide
Starting therapy: what to expect
First sessions, how it works, and how to know if it is right.
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LibraryChecklist
Looking after your mental health on a budget
Things that help and cost little or nothing.
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LibraryExplainer
What happens in a mental health crisis service
If you go to emergency services for your mental health.
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LibraryPractical guide
Helping a friend with their mental health
What to say and how to stay connected.
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LibraryPractical guide
Coming out when you are not sure how people will react
Thinking through who, when and how.
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LibraryField note
Bisexual people and erasure
When others say your identity is a phase or does not exist.
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LibraryField note
Growing up LGBTQ+ and the effects later
How childhood experiences shape adult life.
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LibraryChecklist
The first thirty days of starting over
A gentle plan for when everything has changed.
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LibraryField note
Rebuilding when your identity was your job
When work ends and you do not know who you are.
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LibraryField note
Rebuilding after a breakdown
When your mental health collapsed and you are putting things back.
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LibraryExplainer
Keeping your home when someone dies
What happens to a tenancy or mortgage after a death.
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LibraryPractical guide
How to tell you need a clinician, and what to say when you call
What this practice does not do, how to know you have crossed that line, and the first sentence of the phone call.
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LibraryPractical guide
Yes, men can be sexually assaulted
The myths male survivors hear most, and what is actually true.
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LibraryPractical guide
When the abuse comes from a partner and you are a man
Coercive control, violence and threats do not care about gender. What it can look like, and what to do.
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LibraryField note
I don't know if what happened counts
You do not need a name for it before you are allowed to take it seriously.
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LibraryField note
Grieving someone who is still alive
Estrangement, breakups, a parent who changed. Losses nobody holds a funeral for.
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LibraryField note
What to do about the house
The physical place, and the decisions people will push you to make early that do not have to be made early.
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LibraryField note
The paperwork nobody warns you about
Accounts, policies, subscriptions, the DMV. What order to do it in and what can wait.
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LibraryField note
Telling people, and how many times you have to
The repetition problem, and three scripts for different distances of friend.
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LibraryField note
The thing you keep not doing
Why that one task has been sitting there six weeks, and how to make it smaller than it is.
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LibraryField note
Eating when you do not care about eating
Practical, unsentimental, and no nutrition advice.
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LibraryField note
Sleeping, or not
What is common, what is worth mentioning to a doctor, and what actually helps at three in the morning.
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LibraryField note
Your friends want to help and have no idea how
Giving people a job, and the exact words for it.
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LibraryField note
What to say when someone asks how you are doing
Four answers for four situations, including the one where you do not want to talk.
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LibraryField note
Going back to work
The first week, what to tell people, and what you are not obliged to say.
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LibraryField note
The second year
Nobody warns you that it can be harder, and why that is not going backwards.
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