What to say when someone asks how you are doing

"How are you doing?"

It used to be a greeting. Now it is a question with a weight on it, and you are expected to answer it a dozen times a week, often with no warning.

It helps to have a few answers ready, so you are choosing rather than scrambling.

One: when you do not want to talk

"Getting through it, thanks. How are you?"

True, short, and it turns the conversation around. Most people will take the cue. You do not owe anyone more than this, however well they mean it.

Two: when it is someone you trust, but not now

"Honestly, it is a lot. Can we talk properly another time?"

This tells them the truth without opening it up in the corridor or the parking lot. Then, if you do want to talk later, follow up. Even a message saying "still up for that coffee?" counts.

Three: when you do want to talk

"Not great, to be honest. Have you got a few minutes?"

Asking for the time first gives both of you a moment to settle. It also makes it easier for them to say yes properly, rather than half listening on the way somewhere else.

Four: when it is going better and you feel odd saying so

"Better, actually. Some days are fine."

Some men feel guilty when things improve, as if saying so means it did not matter. It does not mean that. Better days are allowed, and saying so out loud is allowed too.

You get to choose how much of the truth to give, and to whom.

When they ask at work

Work is its own case. Most colleagues are asking because they think they should. A short answer and a change of subject is normal and kind to both of you. If a manager asks, you can tell them what affects your work, such as needing a day off or a lighter week, without going into anything else.

When they keep asking

If someone asks every time you see them and you would rather they stopped, you can say so. "I appreciate you checking in. If anything changes I will tell you." That usually does it.