LibraryExplainer
What trauma actually means
Not a word for weak people. A word for what happens when something overwhelms what a person can take in.
LIBRARY
The Library
Things people should have told us sooner. No paywall, no popups, no email gate.
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LibraryExplainer
Why your body remembers what your mind tries to forget
A smell, a sound, a tone of voice. Why your body reacts before you have time to think.
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ToolFree sheet
The first ninety days
What has to be handled after a death, a separation, or a release, in the order it has to be handled.
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LibraryField note
When it happened years ago and still feels close
Time does not always put distance between you and what happened. Why, and what can help.
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LibraryPractical guide
You do not have to tell the whole story to get help
Getting support does not require reliving what happened. What you can say instead.
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LibraryPractical guide
Flashbacks: what they are and what to do
When the past floods the present. A short guide for the moment it happens and for afterwards.
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LibraryField note
Numb is not the same as fine
Feeling nothing can be a sign you are carrying a lot. How to tell the difference.
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LibraryExplainer
Anger after trauma
When you are short with everyone and do not know why. Where anger often comes from, and what to do with it.
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LibraryExplainer
Shame is not the same as guilt
Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Why the difference matters after trauma.
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ToolFree sheet
Practical stability planning sheet
What you are holding, which direction you are facing, and the one signal worth sending.
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LibraryExplainer
Freezing was not a choice
Why so many people could not move, shout or fight back, and why that was the body protecting you.
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LibraryPractical guide
Sleep after trauma
Nightmares, waking at three, never quite resting. Practical things that help.
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LibraryScript
How to tell someone you trust
If you want one person to know, how to start, and how much to say.
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ToolFree sheet
Goals and next steps plan
Turns what you want to be easier into steps that survive the week you wrote them.
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LibraryScript
When someone tells you what happened to them
How to respond so they are glad they told you.
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LibraryPractical guide
Trauma and the work week
Getting through work when your head is somewhere else.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Drinking to get through it
When alcohol or something else becomes the way to switch off. A plain look at what is happening.
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ToolFree sheet
The ask sheet
For asking an institution for something and having it hold. A name, a reference, a date.
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LibraryPractical guide
What a trauma informed service should feel like
How to tell whether a service will treat you well.
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LibraryExplainer
Hypervigilance: always on guard
Scanning every room, sitting near the exit, never quite relaxing. What it is and how to ease it.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Trauma in childhood, felt as an adult
What happened when you were young can shape how you live now. Some of the ways, and what helps.
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LibraryPractical guide
Your rights when you speak to the police or a doctor
What you can ask for, and what you can refuse.
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LibraryChecklist
Grounding exercises you can do anywhere
Five quiet techniques for when you feel overwhelmed in public.
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LibraryPractical guide
When trauma affects your relationship
How what happened to you can show up between you and a partner, and how to talk about it.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Trauma after military, police or emergency work
When the job exposes you to things most people never see.
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LibraryPractical guide
After an accident or a violent incident
The first weeks after something sudden and frightening.
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LibraryExplainer
Trauma and your body
Headaches, tight shoulders, stomach trouble. How stress can live in the body.
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LibraryChecklist
Small routines that make a hard day possible
When everything feels big, start with things that are small.
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LibraryPractical guide
When to see a clinician about trauma
How to know when self help is not enough, and what to say when you call.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief does not follow stages
Why the idea of neat stages leaves so many people feeling they are doing it wrong.
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LibraryExplainer
Grieving by doing
If you are fixing, working and sorting instead of talking, that is a recognised way to grieve.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Grief without a body, without a goodbye
When you could not be there, or there was no funeral, or the person was never found.
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LibraryHeavy subject
When the death was by suicide
A loss that brings its own questions. Some things that are true.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief and anger
Being furious at the person who died, at doctors, at God, at everyone. Why it happens.
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LibraryField note
When the second year is harder
Why grief can get harder after the first year, not easier.
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LibraryField note
Losing a parent as an adult
When you become the older generation, and people expect you to cope.
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LibraryHeavy subject
When a pregnancy ends
Miscarriage, stillbirth and loss in pregnancy, including for partners.
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LibraryField note
Grief after a breakup
When the person is still alive but the life you had together is gone.
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LibraryHeavy subject
Grieving someone you had a hard relationship with
When the person who died also hurt you.
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LibraryExplainer
Grief that will not ease
When a loss takes over a life for a very long time, and what can help.
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LibraryExplainer
Continuing bonds with someone who died
Staying connected to someone after death is healthy, not a sign of being stuck.
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LibraryField note
Grief and faith
When loss shakes what you believe, or when faith is what holds you.
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LibraryField note
Grief in a family that does not talk about feelings
When everyone is hurting and nobody says so.
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LibraryField note
Grief when you are far from home
Losing someone in another country, or grieving away from your family.
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LibraryChecklist
What a healthy relationship looks like
A plain checklist for when you are not sure what normal is.
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LibraryScript
How to start a hard conversation with a partner
Words for when something needs saying and you do not know how to begin.
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LibraryExplainer
When you shut down in arguments
Going silent, walking away, feeling nothing. Why it happens and what helps.
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LibraryExplainer
Jealousy: when it is normal and when it is control
The difference between a feeling and a rule.
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LibraryPractical guide
When your partner has been through trauma
How to support someone without losing yourself.
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LibraryPractical guide
Fathers and their children after separation
Staying close to your kids when the family changes.
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LibraryPractical guide
Co parenting with someone you cannot stand
Keeping it about the children when the relationship is over.
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LibraryScript
Telling a partner about your past
Whether, when and how to share what happened to you.
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LibraryField note
Friendship for men
Why many men have fewer close friends than they want, and how to change it.
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LibraryField note
Coming out to a partner
When you realise something about your identity while in a relationship.
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LibraryPractical guide
When your partner drinks too much
Living with someone whose drinking is affecting you.
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LibraryField note
When a relationship ends and you did not see it coming
Shock, questions, and getting through the first weeks.
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LibraryExplainer
Trust after betrayal
Whether and how trust can be rebuilt after an affair or a serious breach.
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LibraryField note
Caring for a partner who is ill
Love, duty and exhaustion when you become a carer.
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LibraryChecklist
When your relationship affects your mental health
Signs it is taking more than it gives.
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LibraryField note
Relationships after prison or service
Reconnecting with a partner and family after long time apart.
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LibraryExplainer
Men experience domestic abuse too
Why it happens, why it is hidden, and why it is not your fault.
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LibraryPractical guide
Technology and abuse
Tracking, monitoring and online harassment, and how to protect yourself.
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LibraryField note
When you are accused of being the abuser
False accusations as a tactic, and what to do.
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LibraryExplainer
Protection orders explained
A general guide to legal protection, which works differently in each country.
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LibraryField note
If you are worried about your own behaviour
When you are the one causing harm, and want to change.
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LibraryPractical guide
Supporting a friend who is being abused
How to help without making it more dangerous.
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LibraryScript
Talking to your children about leaving
Words for children when the family has to move.
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LibraryExplainer
Depression in men often looks like something else
Anger, overwork, drinking and numbness can all be signs.
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LibraryScript
How to talk to a doctor about your mental health
What to say when you have ten minutes and do not know where to start.
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LibraryHeavy subject
If you are thinking about suicide
Please read this. You do not have to act on these thoughts.
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LibraryPractical guide
Starting therapy: what to expect
First sessions, how it works, and how to know if it is right.
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LibraryChecklist
Looking after your mental health on a budget
Things that help and cost little or nothing.
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LibraryExplainer
What happens in a mental health crisis service
If you go to emergency services for your mental health.
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LibraryPractical guide
Helping a friend with their mental health
What to say and how to stay connected.
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LibraryPractical guide
Coming out when you are not sure how people will react
Thinking through who, when and how.
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LibraryField note
Bisexual people and erasure
When others say your identity is a phase or does not exist.
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LibraryField note
Growing up LGBTQ+ and the effects later
How childhood experiences shape adult life.
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LibraryChecklist
The first thirty days of starting over
A gentle plan for when everything has changed.
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LibraryField note
Rebuilding when your identity was your job
When work ends and you do not know who you are.
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LibraryField note
Rebuilding after a breakdown
When your mental health collapsed and you are putting things back.
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LibraryExplainer
Keeping your home when someone dies
What happens to a tenancy or mortgage after a death.
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LibraryPractical guide
How to tell you need a clinician, and what to say when you call
What this practice does not do, how to know you have crossed that line, and the first sentence of the phone call.
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LibraryPractical guide
When the abuse comes from a partner and you are a man
Coercive control, violence and threats do not care about gender. What it can look like, and what to do.
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LibraryField note
I don't know if what happened counts
You do not need a name for it before you are allowed to take it seriously.
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LibraryField note
Grieving someone who is still alive
Estrangement, breakups, a parent who changed. Losses nobody holds a funeral for.
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LibraryField note
What to do about the house
The physical place, and the decisions people will push you to make early that do not have to be made early.
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LibraryField note
The paperwork nobody warns you about
Accounts, policies, subscriptions, the DMV. What order to do it in and what can wait.
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LibraryField note
Telling people, and how many times you have to
The repetition problem, and three scripts for different distances of friend.
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LibraryField note
The thing you keep not doing
Why that one task has been sitting there six weeks, and how to make it smaller than it is.
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LibraryField note
Eating when you do not care about eating
Practical, unsentimental, and no nutrition advice.
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LibraryField note
Sleeping, or not
What is common, what is worth mentioning to a doctor, and what actually helps at three in the morning.
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LibraryField note
Your friends want to help and have no idea how
Giving people a job, and the exact words for it.
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LibraryField note
What to say when someone asks how you are doing
Four answers for four situations, including the one where you do not want to talk.
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LibraryField note
Going back to work
The first week, what to tell people, and what you are not obliged to say.
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LibraryField note
The second year
Nobody warns you that it can be harder, and why that is not going backwards.
