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Heavy subjectRelationshipsTraumaSexual violenceMen1 minute read

Sex after trauma

When intimacy is complicated by what happened before.

For many survivors of sexual violence or abuse, sex can become complicated. That is common and understandable.

What people experience

  • Flashbacks or feeling far away during sex
  • Wanting to avoid sex altogether
  • Feeling you have to have sex to keep a partner
  • Trouble with arousal or feeling disconnected from your body
  • Using sex to feel in control or numb

You are in charge

You are allowed to stop at any time. You are allowed to say not this, or not now. A good partner will listen.

Talking with a partner

You do not need to tell them everything. You might say, "Some things are hard for me because of my past. Can we go slowly and check in?"

Getting help

Therapists who work with trauma can help with this, including for men. It is not too personal to bring up.

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