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ExplainerRelationshipsMenTrauma1 minute read
When you shut down in arguments
Going silent, walking away, feeling nothing. Why it happens and what helps.
Some people, often men, go quiet in conflict. Their partner wants to talk, and they shut down, leave the room or feel blank.
Why it happens
When the body feels threatened, it can go into shutdown. Heart rate goes up, thinking narrows, and words disappear. Past trauma can make this happen faster. It is not always a choice to ignore someone.
Why it causes problems
To your partner, silence can look like you do not care. They may push harder, and you shut down further.
What helps
- Name it: "I am shutting down. I am not ignoring you."
- Agree a break: "I need twenty minutes, then I will come back."
- Actually come back. That is the part that rebuilds trust
- Use the break to calm your body: walk, breathe slowly, splash cold water on your face
If shutting down happens a lot and is linked to old experiences, the piece on trauma and your body may help.
