The Library
Practical guideRelationshipsBoundariesFamily1 minute read
Boundaries with family
Saying no to the people you grew up with.
Family boundaries are often the hardest. You may feel guilty, or fall back into old roles as soon as you walk in the door.
What boundaries can look like
- Limiting visits, or how long they last
- Not discussing certain topics
- Not lending money
- Leaving if someone is drinking or abusive
- Choosing where you spend holidays
Saying it
- "I am not going to discuss that."
- "I can come for lunch, but I will leave at three."
- "I love you, and I am not able to lend money."
Expect pushback
People who benefit from you having no boundaries often resist. That does not mean you are wrong.
Low or no contact
Some people decide to reduce or end contact with family members who keep hurting them. That is a serious, personal decision, and it is allowed.
