The Library
Field noteGriefMental health1 minute read
Grief and guilt
The things you wish you had said or done.
Guilt is one of the most painful parts of grief. If only I had called. If only I had noticed. If only I had been kinder.
Why guilt comes
Guilt can be a way of trying to make sense of something senseless. If it was my fault, at least it was not random. It can also be love with nowhere to go.
Questions to ask yourself
- Did I know then what I know now?
- Would I blame a friend in the same situation?
- What would the person who died say to me about this?
What helps
- Write a letter to them saying what you wish you had said
- Talk to someone who will listen without rushing to reassure you
- Do something in their memory that reflects what you wish you had done
If guilt is about something you did that you deeply regret, and it is consuming you, a counsellor can help you carry it.
