The Library
Field noteGrief1 minute read
When the second year is harder
Why grief can get harder after the first year, not easier.
Many people brace for the first year: the first birthday, the first holiday, the first anniversary. Fewer people warn you about the second.
Why the second year can be hard
- The shock has worn off and the reality settles in
- Other people have moved on and stopped asking
- You may feel you should be over it by now
- The first year was full of tasks. The second is quieter
This is not going backwards
Feeling worse in the second year is common. It often means you are taking in the loss more fully.
Things that help
- Tell people the second year is hard. Many will not know
- Plan for dates you know are coming
- Keep a few ways of remembering the person that feel right to you
- Notice what has changed, as well as what has not
If after a long time you cannot function, think of nothing else, or feel you cannot go on, talk to a doctor. Prolonged grief that takes over a life is recognised and can be helped.
