Practical guideMenDomestic violenceRelationships1 minute read
When the abuse comes from a partner and you are a man
Coercive control, violence and threats do not care about gender. What it can look like, and what to do.
Abuse is a pattern of control. It can include violence, but often it does not start there.
What it can look like
Checking your phone. Controlling the money. Cutting you off from friends or family. Threats to take the children, to hurt themselves, or to tell people you are the abuser. Mocking you. Making you afraid of their mood. Hitting, pushing, throwing things, and then telling you nobody would believe a man.
It happens in relationships between men, between a man and a woman, and in relationships involving trans and nonbinary partners.
Why it is hard to see from inside
Many men minimize it. They are bigger, so it cannot really be abuse. They never hit back, so it must be fine. They love the person. None of that changes what is happening.
What you can do now
Write it down somewhere your partner cannot see. Dates, what happened, any injuries.
Tell one person you trust, even partially.
Contact a service that supports men. Many domestic abuse services serve men, even if their website does not say so loudly. The Resource Finder lists some by country.
Plan for safety before you leave if you can. Leaving is often the most dangerous time, so think through where you would go, what you would take, and who would know.
If you are in danger now, contact emergency services where you are.
