The Library
ExplainerRelationshipsDomestic violenceBoundaries1 minute read
Jealousy: when it is normal and when it is control
The difference between a feeling and a rule.
Jealousy is a human feeling. Most people feel it sometimes. What matters is what happens next.
Normal jealousy
- You feel a pang and talk about it
- You recognise it is your feeling to handle
- You trust your partner and they trust you
Jealousy becoming control
- Checking their phone or messages
- Telling them who they can and cannot see
- Accusing them of cheating with no reason
- Demanding to know where they are at all times
- Punishing them for time spent with others
If you are the jealous one
Ask yourself where the feeling comes from. Past betrayal, insecurity and fear of loss are common. Talking to a counsellor can help you handle it without hurting the relationship.
If you are on the receiving end
Being monitored and restricted is a recognised sign of abuse. You can talk to a helpline confidentially to think it through.
