After it happensGriefStarting overBuilt on: The dual process model2 minute read
What to do about the house
The physical place, and the decisions people will push you to make early that do not have to be made early.
There is usually a house. His, hers, yours, the one you shared, the one you have just left. And within a week of whatever happened, someone will have an opinion about it.
Sell it. Clear it. Move back. Get out. People mean well. Most of them are uncomfortable with an empty room and would like it dealt with.
Here is the plain version. Very little about a house has to be decided in the first three months.
What does have to happen now
Keep it safe and keep it paid. That means locks, keys, and knowing who has a copy. It means the mortgage or rent, the insurance, the heating in winter, and the water if a pipe could freeze. If the house will sit empty, tell the insurer. Some policies change when a property is unoccupied for more than thirty or sixty days.
Bring the mail in or have it forwarded. A pile of envelopes on a step tells everyone the place is empty.
That is the list. Anything else can usually wait.
What can wait
Clearing it out. Deciding whether to sell. Deciding whether to stay. Sorting through clothes, papers, tools, photographs. None of these get easier by being rushed, and several of them cannot be undone.
A house cleared in a hurry is cleared once. A house cleared slowly is cleared right.
If someone is pushing for a fast decision, it is fair to ask them what happens if it waits. Often the honest answer is nothing.
When it cannot wait
Sometimes it genuinely cannot. A lease ends. A landlord wants the keys. A sale is needed to pay a debt. In that case, do the minimum. Take what matters, box what you cannot decide on, label the boxes, and put them somewhere you can reach later. A storage unit for a few months costs less than a decision you regret.
The rooms themselves
Some men go straight back in. Some cannot open a particular door for a long time. Both are common, and neither tells you anything about how you are doing. If there is a room you are avoiding, you are allowed to avoid it while you handle the parts that are on a deadline.
When you are ready to sort, give yourself a short window. One hour, one shelf, one drawer. Stop when the hour is up even if you are in the middle of something.
The first ninety days sheet has the full order for what to handle and when.
