Going back to work

Going back to work after something big is its own event. Some men want to go back as soon as possible because it is normal and it fills the day. Some dread it. Most feel a bit of both.

Here is the practical side.

Before you go back

Talk to your manager, or whoever handles leave, before your first day. Ask what has been said to the team, if anything. Ask whether you can come back on a lighter schedule for the first week or two, such as shorter days or fewer meetings. Many workplaces will agree if asked. Fewer will offer.

If your employer has an employee assistance program, now is a reasonable time to find out what it offers. You do not have to use it. It is useful to know it exists.

What to tell people

Decide this before you walk in. You can let your manager tell the team the basics, which saves you saying it a dozen times. Or you can tell a couple of people yourself and let it travel.

You are not obliged to tell anyone at work more than you want them to know.

If someone asks and you do not want to discuss it: "Thanks. I am glad to be back. What have I missed?" That moves things on.

The first week

Expect it to be tiring. Concentration often takes a while to come back. Things you could do on autopilot may take more effort for a while.

• Make lists. Write everything down. Do not rely on memory this week.
• Do the simplest tasks first each morning to get moving.
• Take your breaks. Go outside at lunch.
• If you need a few minutes alone, take them. A walk to the car counts.

What you are entitled to ask for

Depending on your employer and where you live, you may be entitled to bereavement leave, unpaid leave, or adjustments to how you work. Your HR department or employee handbook will say. If you are in a union, your rep can help you ask.

When it is too soon

Sometimes going back turns out to be too soon. That is worth saying early, to your manager or HR, rather than struggling on until something goes wrong. A doctor can also advise on time off if you need it.