How to tell you need a clinician, and what to say when you call

This practice is nonclinical. That means there are things we do not do, and it is only fair to be plain about where we stop.

We do not do therapy, counseling, assessment, or diagnosis. We do not give medication advice. We are not a crisis service. What we do is practical: sheets, rooms, and planning sessions about what to do next.

For some men, that is enough. For others, at some point, it is not. Here is how to tell.

Signs it may be time

These are not a test. They are prompts. If several of them fit, a clinician is worth a call.

• It has been weeks or months and things are not shifting at all, or are getting heavier.
• You cannot get through a working day, or you have stopped working.
• Sleep, eating, or drinking has changed a lot and is not coming back.
• You are using alcohol, drugs, or pills to get through the day or the night.
• People close to you have said they are worried.
• You are having thoughts of hurting yourself, or of not being here.

If the last one is true, do not wait to book an appointment. Reach a crisis line now, at any hour: crisis lines by country.

Who to call

A family doctor is usually the simplest first step. They can talk it through, and refer you on if needed.

If you have health insurance, the number on the back of your card can give you a list of in network therapists. If your employer has an employee assistance program, it often covers a few free sessions and you can call it directly. These programs are confidential, and employers are not normally told who uses them.

If you would like a clinician who understands queer and trans clients, you can ask that directly when you call. It is a normal question and a good practice will answer it plainly.

What to say

The hardest part is often the first sentence. You do not need to explain everything. You only need to get the call started.

"Hello. I would like to book an appointment to talk to someone. Things have been difficult for a while and I think I need some help with it."

Or, to a doctor: "I have not been myself for a couple of months. I am not sleeping and it is getting in the way of work. I would like to talk about what my options are."

That is enough. The person on the other end will ask what they need to ask.

What happens next

A first appointment is usually just a conversation. You can say as much or as little as you like. If the first person is not a good fit, it is normal to try someone else.

Using a clinician does not mean you stop using anything here. The sheets are still yours, and you are still welcome in the room.