Two kinds of work

After a death, a separation, or a release, there are two kinds of work in front of you, and they pull in different directions.

The model

In 1999, Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut published what they called the dual process model of coping with bereavement. They described two orientations.

Loss oriented coping faces the loss itself. Thinking about the person. Missing them. Going over what happened.

Restoration oriented coping deals with everything the loss changed. The house. The money. The paperwork. New roles, like being the one who handles the bills now. A new shape to the week.

Back and forth

Their central idea is that people move between the two, and also take time away from both. In their model, this oscillation is how coping works. A day spent entirely on the estate followed by an evening where it all lands at once is not inconsistency. It is the model working as described.

Sorting out the paperwork is not avoiding it. It is one of the two things coping is made of.

Why this course is all practical

This course is almost entirely restoration work: what to handle, in what order, and how to make it hold. That is deliberate. It is the half of the work that has deadlines, and it is the half nobody explains.

It is not a claim that the other half does not matter. Stroebe and Schut were clear that both matter. It is a claim that the practical half is legitimate, and that doing it well frees up room for everything else.

The task for this module is small. Download the first ninety days sheet, choose the track that fits, and read only the first list. Nothing else yet.